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About Me
Okay, so here’s my story, and I’m hoping that anyone who is “wishing to be a mommy” can relate and will share their confessions of this journey, and of the challenges we face as we trudge the road of infertility. read more New Rules for Pregnant Friends?
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There are all sorts of rules out there that we kind of live by when it comes to our friends, and it starts very young when boys show up on our radar. I think we all know what they are, an unspoken code that lets us know that we are safe with our friends and that they have our back. We may have been clicky and gossipy, but we never stole each other’s boyfriends. There is really nothing that compares to the feeling of having a great friend. I personally don’t think I would have come this far without friends, they are golden. But, what happens when that friend gets pregnant? I’ve been hearing more and more that this particular subject is really tough–for me too. So, what do you do when your best friend gets pregnant? Scream?
Have the rules changed? For me, this has been a real challenge and certainly a test for how far I can be pushed. It’s kind of a catch 22 actually, we need our friends close but then it’s a constant reminder that they have the one thing that we want more than anything in the world but don’t have. The truth is that I don’t have the first clue on how to deal with this. I wish that my spiritual condition was perfect and that I could keep the two separate but that’s not really realistic. I think we are stuck with our feelings no matter how badly we wish they didn’t belong to us, and for me, I can’t pretend that my feelings don’t exist–I have done enough of that. So, are we back to giving the stink eye? Probably not…although tempting. Do we really want our friends to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us? No, but I think a little extra sensitivity is in order, and the option to have the subject “off limits” until it doesn’t hurt as much…or until the “postal” feeling wears off-whichever comes first.
Confession for the day: I would have preferred that my best friend had stolen my boyfriend in 9th grade.
If there is a good answer to this question, I do not know what it is. Here’s my answer: although there is some period of mental assimilation to each new person in my life who gets pregnant (or gets pregnant again), which can be helped along by doing a little math and seeing the problem coming in advance, I view pregnancy as something that happens to other people – not to me. Thus, although I may not have endless tolerance for it, I can talk about onesies and trouble sleeping with a pregnant woman just as I would talk about unfamiliar terrain and infrared goggles with a soldier. Interested in theory; a little out of my depth so only interested for a few minutes; but in no way associating the topic with me or my life. I don’t know quite what it cost me to build that wall, or whether it was worth the price, but it has allowed me to manage social situations and maintain friendships (mostly with my husband’s friends) that would otherwise have been impossible.
I can honestly tell you that you are not alone, and I have been there, and done that.
I lost 3 pregs so far, and each time I had my best friend carry to term…What a surprise… It was bad back then, and its even worse when I see them and compare their ages and wonder how my kids would have been like at this age.
If you think pregnancy bothers you actually being pregnant at the same time and not beig able to carry to term is even worse.
I missed every shower.
I visited later than anyone else after delivery, and I cried my eyes out.
Awesome article. Bookmarked.
Actually,good post. thx
Great post, good job there, I love it! I bookmarked your blog for future reference, I am too busy to go through them one by one now, but thank you for the post!
The author of http://www.wishtobeamommy.com has written an excellent article. You have made your point and there is not much to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not argue with: Love can hurt. But its always worth the pain. Thanks for the info.
Which one of those would be the best? I am really lost then it comes to stuff like this.