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Okay, so here’s my story, and I’m hoping that anyone who is “wishing to be a mommy” can relate and will share their confessions of this journey, and of the challenges we face as we trudge the road of infertility. read more Running on Empty Ovaries
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Hey everyone! One of my readers recently let me know that my posts just haven’t been the same lately, not as heartfelt, or complete with my usual ramblings of self pity and impending emotional catastrophe. I kinda miss it to. All that positive thinking, trying to look on the bright side of things, didn’t really work out so much. I see people doing it, reading about it, taking seminars on it, but in the end, positive thinking doesn’t really change my circumstances so pretending to be okay with it all, is just that, pretending. What’s the point in that?
My reality is still insufferable, every day the clock ticks and nothing happens, it’s just an endless cycle of waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting with the occasional and delightful interruption of baby showers and baby naming ceremonies. It’s a profound feeling of sadness that goes deeper and deeper every day. Every now and then, I experience a slight glimmer of hope as we consider our next steps, but nothing happens time and time again, nothing.
So I confess today the overwhelming defeat of IF and the likelihood of never really recovering from this hopeless state of mind.
Man, I hear you. There’s a sort of terrible tug-of-war between being falsely positive about this burden, and drowning in even more unhappiness than it strictly requires. I’ve tried fatalism, which works on any given day, but does not bring peace in the long term. I’m thinking at some point there’s certainty that we won’t conceive, and then grieving, and then acceptance, and I wish I could just get there already! But it seems so far away. Some PEACE would be nice. Hoping you find yours…
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