Hey everyone!  One of my readers recently let me know that my posts just haven’t been the same lately, not as heartfelt, or complete with my usual ramblings of self pity and impending emotional catastrophe. I kinda miss it to. All that positive thinking, trying to look on the bright side of things, didn’t really work out so much. I see people doing it, reading about it, taking seminars on it, but in the end, positive thinking doesn’t really change my circumstances so pretending to be okay with it all, is just that, pretending. What’s the point in that?

My reality is still insufferable, every day the clock ticks and nothing happens, it’s just an endless cycle of waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting with the occasional and delightful interruption of baby showers and baby naming ceremonies. It’s a profound feeling of sadness that goes deeper and deeper every day. Every now and then, I experience a slight glimmer of hope as we consider our next steps, but nothing happens time and time again, nothing.

So I confess today the overwhelming defeat of IF and the likelihood of never really recovering from this hopeless state of mind.

I’m sorry but I have to say this–people say the stupidest things! One of the comments that I read over and over again are the asinine things that people to say to us. What could possibly be happening in someone’s brain when they are uttering the words, “I’m so sorry you can’t have any children, maybe that’s just God’s way of limiting the population.” Are they insane? Really? What happens chemically that allows a person to say such a thing…and many tasteless remarks just like it. God…there are just no words–is sensitivity too much to ask for?

Confession for the day: I just had 10 butterscotch candies while writing this.

My confession for the day: it’s tempting to disengage from all pregnant friends and family members…